Hey hey hey there ladies and gents. I am back as promised to do two
posts this week. I know I said I would do this last week, but in the
blog game it's easy to get in over your own head. Anyways lets get
started! This week the first trailer up is Transformers...YES!!!
Alright
in the beginning of the trailer we see some dusty hacked up truck
getting towed. We find out that it's getting towed to Mark Wahlberg's
house...oh how I wish to be that truck. Anyway, of course Mark
Wahlberg's character has a name, what it is we don't know yet but maybe
we'll find out later in the trailer? Alright so then we are introduced
to Wahlberg's character's daughter...wow that's annoying to type and
read. Wahlberg's character's daughter?
Alright IMDB I'm not
waiting to hear what his name is, what is it? His name is Cade...Cade?
It can't be come on, Cade? Serisously?! Sounds like someone tried to
come up with a cool name and then came up with that. But I digress, lets
get back to the trailer.
Now where was I, oh yes. We then
see...Cade's daughter, who is named Tessa. I can handle that. She tells
her father that they can't afford for him to keep hauling in junk. But
is it really junk?! Dun dun dun!!! Then Cade tells his daughter that she
should be happy him breaking down the truck and stripping it for parts
is what is going to pay her tuition...good 'ol Daddy Cade. Ugh he sounds
like a wack pimp. I can't even! There's the desperation part of the
trailer.
The desperation part is where they show how desperate the
characters in the movie are. And yes, I did just use one of the words
in the phrase to describe the phrase. Lets call it something else...how
about...an Up The Creek Opening. This is the type of opening that shows
how desperate or lost a character is. Mainly it's used to show the
desperation of the protagonist and the characters that surround he or
she. At other times it involves the antagonist and it usually explains
how the character came to be the antagonist.
Here though it's displaying the protagonist and their situation.
As
Cade starts breaking down the truck he finds some weird metal, and then
hits pay dirt. He has officially found a transformer...who would have
thought that the junk truck wasn't really a junk truck? Oh I don't know,
maybe anybody. Just anybody. I mean really Mark Wahlberg pulls in some
junk truck in a Transformers movie, and you think it's just a truck?
It's Mark Wahlberg!! In a Transformers movie! I don't know if the
director was trying to get some shock value out of that part, but it
isn't going to happen. I actually would have been more surprised if it
wasn't a Transformer.
Uh oh maybe Cade shouldn't have brought the
truck home? Cade, now I like saying it. It's weird the name really
begins to grow on you after a couple of paragraphs. Anyways, here comes
the government in their ominous black Tahoes or whatever generic truck
it is. They want Optimus Prime...wait a minute. Does Mark Wahlberg have
Optimus Prime in his garage? To me that was the surprise part, what the
heck is Optimus Prime doing looking like that?! Who let that happen?
It's a travesty!
Now Cade decides not cooperate with the
government. Then one guy throws Cade's daughter to the ground. Dag calm
down there guy, no need to be throwing chicks to the ground like that.
Geez. Violence against women is no joke, but I guess the government can
get away with it. Clearly the government is supposed to be depicted as
some group of close minded barbarians...which of course is no liking to
our actual government. Not an ounce of similarity, not even a gram, no
way it could be like our government. No not possible. Alright can I stop
being sarcastic now? We all got it right?
Alright then we have
Kelsey Grammar telling us that the age of the Transformers' is gone.
Like we haven't heard that before...well we haven't heard it in such a
smooth and comforting voice before. Seriously. It's Frasier for goodness
sake. We then see a Transformer get blasted down by the government.
It's tough to say, but that Transformer didn't look like a Decepticon to
me.
After that we see Bumblebee and couple other of the Autobots,
and then we hear Stanley Tucci talk in a condescending tone to the
Autobots. You know I always think that as many times as the government
talks bad to the Autobots. The Autobots could have said forget it and
tried to kill everyone. In fact it makes me respect them even more
because they still stick by the humans, after everything they've done to
them.
Then we get to the good stuff. What was that you were
saying Kelsey Grammar and Stanley Tucci I can't remember after seeing
huge ominous spaceships and a Decepticon walking down the street?! Well
they might not even be Decepticons...who knows? Well clearly someone
with better knowledge than I would know.
Anyway it's the same story.
Humans gain technology, humans turn their back on Autobots, Decepticons
or other enemies come to Earth and cause chaos, humans are way in over
their heads, and Autobots have to come in and save the day. I think we
also see the same Transformer that the government shot down on that
boat, kick butt with two parachutes and two guns. You're welcome human
race.
We see large spaceships sucking things up, we hear Stanley
Tucci yell like an idiot, and we see Optimus kick some robot dino
bootay! The action in this movie looks amazing!! The story is played
out, but the action and new dino robots are epic.
Age of extinction...I think not. Age of Awesomeness. This is now an old trailer the new one is out
And
it looks like I have to do a review for the new one next week. Or maybe
this weekend, but that's a long shot. Either way I have to do the new
one. It's pretty cool.
June 27th...this movie is mine!